This blog is appropriately titled 6 wedding survival tips for innkeepers or are you sure you want to do weddings at your inn? Advice from innkeepers that have ‘been there and done that’ is always welcome. Even better, these tips are funny and very true, no fake news here.
The Inn at Pleasant Lake Innkeeper writes a very clever and humorous newsletter each year during the holidays for his family and friends. His writings include his ‘life of an innkeeper’ tales for the year. The theme for 2018, weddings!
1. “Pagan weddings are best performed on a solstice, in a circle, and there are exacting specifications for the floral arrangements that require no less than 12 consultative sessions. Fortunately, the health codes were on our side and helped resolved the item of blood usage of any kind during the ceremony and eliminated the need to find housing for a goat on site.”
2. “What is it about Bud Light? I’m not disparaging the product, nor the fine brand, nor the consumers by making some broad class statement. But experience clearly shows that when hosts request Bud Light at their wedding, someone will be spending the entire evening walking up and down the parking lot, uncomfortably educating guests about the nuances of New Hampshire liquor laws and the criticality of an unsuspended liquor license to an Inn.”
3. “If you intended to wrap your bridal bouquet with a priceless family heirloom, say a charm that had been handed down your maternal line for generations, wouldn’t you consider telling someone? Perhaps incorporate it in the planning that’s occurred over the last year? Maybe ask your Mom or maid of honor to keep tabs on it, pay special attention? At the very least, not leave the item strewn about the facility all evening or go to bed without knowing where you last left it? These are mere examples of the questions that might run through your mind as you are carefully removing each trash bag from your dumpster, shifting through food waste with latex-covered hands, and running over every inch with a metal detector you borrowed from your next-door-neighbor’s twelve-year-old son.”
4. “Some portable toilets are pretty fancy these days. Sure, you can still get your basic Johnny Can. But you can also spring for the air conditioned, surround sound, fully scented, with mood lighting, his and hers trailer – a far cry from the old two-holer. Do you know what you need to fulfil the promise of this luxurious experience? You guessed it – power. You’d think the designers of these “spas on wheels” would recognize that an electrical panel drawing 80 amps of electricity across 4-20 Amp breakers is not going to function well when plugged into a home outlet (served by a single 20 Amp breaker). In retrospect, this was an ideal scenario for one of those practical joke shows, but I lacked the necessary video equipment to capture the guest reaction with sufficient quality for publication. We did not charge for the manual strobe effect provided by my continuous flipping of the circuit breaker.”
5. “There is a distinct difference between “florals” and “plants”. This may seem entirely obvious to most people, but there is one key factor that may not be so apparent. If you look closely, you will find that the word “floral” or “flower” does not contain the word “ants”, but the word “plants” does. This may seem a trivial detail, until the plants that you’ve been growing for the last few months in your home garden are proudly placed as centerpieces at your wedding, and your uninvited guests begin to explore their new environment.”
6. “I know it can be a shock, but there are places on the planet where Ubers are not available. For instance, did you know that you could not get an Uber in London or Hong Kong until very recently. You still can’t get one in Denmark, Bulgaria, or most of Vancouver. Can you guess when is the worst time to discover that New Hampshire is not well served by Ubers? Right! The morning after your best friend’s wedding, 2.5 hours before your flight is scheduled to depart from Boston’s Logan, when you are 2 hours away in New Hampshire.”
I suspect some of these events were not as humorous at the time, but hind sight can bring out the funny side of ‘life of an innkeeper.’ To quote another good writer; “All’s Well that Ends Well”.
Oh, about those beautiful clear top tents. Great for stargazing but in an unusual, say June, heat wave. The heat generated through that clear top works like a magnifying glass and can melt the glue holding the dance floor together.
Thanks for Listening,
This was so funny! I remember several weddings at the inn I used to help manage – even one in which the justice of the peace did not show up (he had forgotten he had the wedding!). The bride was beside herself and the young groom could say nothing to stem the hysteria. With dinner for many guests in the oven – and a timeline to meet – I called my husband (pastor of the local church where we lived) who took off his work clothes, put on his clergy attire, and saved the day.